i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize