you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
