I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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