we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He passed out mid-signature
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
