When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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