i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's great music for shaving your balls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
