And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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