that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
