I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
