My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
