You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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