Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize