How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
