yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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