dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
