"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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