It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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