you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
