Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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