Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
