Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize