My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
