I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
