Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
