Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
