and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
