He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
