this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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