Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
