Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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