I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
