Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Be still, my beating vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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