someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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