I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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