Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
