Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
