I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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