Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
