You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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