I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
