Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
