I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
