So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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