DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize