the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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