we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
