How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the day after is always just damage control
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
