Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We have started to decorate penises.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
