So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
