I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
