i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize