she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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