I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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