apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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