When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
