Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
