i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
