is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
