I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
