Porn is love you can see.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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