I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
