Screwed.edu
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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