So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
