i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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