I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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