You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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