hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
