my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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